Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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