Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
