living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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