dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
