I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
