Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
