i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
