dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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