New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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