Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize