Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
