just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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