Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
