WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
