You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
