Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
