youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
