She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
worst night to have a conscience
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
