But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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