i just had sex bonerless
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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