Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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