At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
