I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
