Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
