i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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