hotel room ftw
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
