Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
