You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
