$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
