I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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