saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think your dad took our porno
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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