everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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