My Higher Power is John Stamos
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
