1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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