I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
