I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
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