I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize