Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
