I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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