I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
