If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You don't make any sense
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