His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
