ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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