Screwed.edu
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
