I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Youâre a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Iâd clean the kitchen before making food. Mark ârang in the New Yearâ with some rando in there last night
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