I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
