yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
