the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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