Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
