I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
