and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
