Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
