So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
