I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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