4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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