it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
