Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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