you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
