i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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