Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
