On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
