Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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