just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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