The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
