at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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