Don't make out with my wife yet
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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