She said her name was "party"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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