I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
