Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
