She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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