we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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