you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
