So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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