You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize