Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
