please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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