I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
