Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
