ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
