i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
