Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
