Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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